When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’ - John 5:6

Forgiveness. Again. It has come up in a number of conversations recently, so I want to address this matter once more. The difficulties present themselves mostly in two scenarios: 1). Someone has hurt you, and this person is sorry and has asked for your forgiveness, but your hurt is so great, and you feel that cannot bring yourself to say: I forgive you, and mean it.

Or 2). Someone has hurt you, but this person never says that s/he is sorry, either because this person is not aware of the amount of hurt s/he has caused; or not willing to engage in the subject matter; or cannot be present (as is the case when the person responsible for your hurt has moved out of reach or died). In either case you are left with having to do the work of forgiving by yourself, and sometimes this can be a lot of hard work, and the question I hear most frequently in counseling is this: But I am the injured party! Why should I have to do all the work?

The answer is simple, really. First, carrying the burden of not forgiving is very constricting. Walking around wounded can slow us down in so many ways! It can rob us of energy and joy and feeling alive. Either that or we are constantly irritated and blow up at the slightest provocation. Second: Jesus commanded us to forgive. Period. It doesn’t matter what happened or how it happened or whose fault it was. To be a follower of Jesus means to forgive.

And yes it is hard work. And it does not mean that the hurt was not real or that the hurt was not great or that the hurt did not happen. It does not mean that we have to forget or that we have to condone what has been done. Wrong is wrong and hurt is hurt. But to hold on to that hurt is self-defeating. Why walk around wounded? Why refuse to take the steps necessary for healing? Would you walk around with a bleeding, gashing wound in your arm, because the perpetrator does not repent for his or her actions?

Once you have reached the willingness to do the work of forgiving, then there are a lot of resources. Our faith and the scriptures have a lot to offer. There are counselors and spiritual directors who can help. I am certainly always willing to help. In most cases a hurt that has been done cannot be undone. But healing can happen nevertheless. The decision is up to you. If you have been hurt or injured in any way, I pray that you will find the desire and courage to heal.