​THE LIGHTER SIDE OF CHOIR SINGING

Rey Lambatin, CGS Choir Director
 
Singing in choir is not all business. Our CGS choirs’ rehearsals always include a lot of fun moments and laughter, with sharing of stories and jokes, mostly about the unspoken friendly competition between each voice section. Here are some favorites that I think everyone will enjoy:
 
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
 
How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high.
 
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to say, "It's too high for him."
 
How many basses does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.
 
How long does it take for a conductor to screw in a light bulb?
Nobody knows because no one was watching. (emphasis by Rey)
 
How do you tell if the lead singer is at the door?
He can't find the key and he doesn't know when to come in.
 
Why were the singers locked out of their rehearsal room?
They missed the key change.
 
How are sopranos like pirates?
They're all a terror on the high C's.
 
What is the difference between a choral director and a chimpanzee?
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.
 
What's the definition of a mezzo soprano?
Just an alto with a soprano’s attitude.
 
What's the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sight read.
 
Four tenors and a baritone are hiking in the Alps, all roped together in a line. Suddenly, they fall into a crevasse. The baritone realizes the rope can't hold all five of them, so he yells down at the group, "There's so many baritones in the world and so few tenors. So, I'll sacrifice myself to save all of your lives."
All of the tenors started clapping and fell to their deaths.
 
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Then with even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he shouted, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With the sermon complete, he sat down. Then the song leader stood up and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn number 365, "Shall We Gather at the River."